Deceiving Appearances
by elm77
Summary: Booth's POV. Booth and Brennan get married for an undercover assignment. This is told from Booth's POV and explains his feelings about it.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

I stare into the mirror. Eyes raking over the satin lapels, the crisp bow tie. The whiteness of my shirt is so monochromatic against the black tuxedo. My eyes look haunted. Unbelieving. I check my cuff links and sunlight glances off the silver, reflecting into the mirror.

"Are you ready?"

The words are hesitant, muttered from the open doorway.

I stare at myself, unsure.

"Is she?" I ask.

"Angela said she is dressed and ready to go."

I close my eyes; rake my fingertips over my cheeks, the dark circles under my eyes like bruises.

"Agent Booth?"

I look at Sweets in the mirror. I see the concern on his face. Unlike her I am adept at reading people.

"No. I don't think I can do this."

Sweets steps into the room. He doesn't try to get close to me. Which is good, because right now I'm not myself. I am a parody. A seething mass of emotions, directionless. Conflicted. It wasn't supposed to be this hard. It's a job right? Just a job? So why will the sight of her break my heart?

"I need to see her."

"Why?"

"Don't psychoanalyse me right now - I don't know if I am together enough to do this Sweets and you know why."

He stares at the ghosts in my eyes and nods.

"I'll go with you."

I walk out of the door following my shrink, legs rubbery, palms sweating. Sweets knocks the door and her voice is husky when she answers.

I press my hand lightly on Sweets chest and shake my head. Convincingly. He watches me walk through the door, probably presses his ear up against it as it closes in his face.

She is standing in the arched window like an ethereal princess. Sunlight bathes her luminous skin and sparkles off the tiara atop her head. Her hair is in a chignon, displaying the porcelain skin of her swan neck. She takes my breath away. I can't speak. Instead I rake my eyes over every inch of her body enclosed in ivory silk. The niptuck waist. Flare of her hips. The creamy skin of her back where it is bare. She is staring at the flowers in her hand. Ruby roses. Their fragrance scents the air and I will never be able to smell them again without thinking about how beautiful she looks. She turns to me and I am frozen in place. Her voice is barely above a whisper "I knew you would find this hard."

I nod. It is all I can do. Like Medusa she has stunned me.

"Are you ready?" She asks tentatively, crossing the room regally until she is standing before me.

"I don't know."

She leans towards me, grazes her lips against the angle of my jaw and clasps my hand. I take in a deep, shuddery breath. Nod once. Grip her fingers, hard.

"You look beautiful."

Even more so than in my dreams. Why can't this be real?

She smiles. I turn to grasp the door handle, but she stops me. She presses herself against my back and whispers in my ear, "If I ever were to marry for real, it would be you."

She wrenches the door open and yanks me down the corridor and I wonder if her words were real or just my dreams whispering on the wind.

"Bones?" I try to ascertain, but she shakes her head.

"We're not Booth and Bones anymore. I am Ava Granger and you are Daniel Smith."

Yes. And we are about to go undercover for the mob. I walk down the aisle towards my fake best man as my fake friends sit in the congregation and I feel the deepest unease at the mission ahead. But as she walks towards me looking like she is floating, I am filled with a comfort, that she will be with me. And I let myself pretend. That she really is marrying me.


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER 2

Forgive me father for I have sinned.

I have stood before Jesus and lied. I have married Bones. But it is not Bones. It is a parody of Bones. Ava. The name doesn't suit her. Just like Daniel doesn't suit me. But I have been many things in my life and this is just another role. I contemplate the task ahead whilst we are ushered to the reception. Fake friends and fake conversation. I don't know who I am anymore. Do I really yearn for her this much that I would forsake my beliefs and live a lie? Albeit a brief lie, required by my job. I wish I could learn to compartmentalise as well as her.

I stare at her across the room and am struck by how desperately I want this to be real. I should have turned down this job. I knew I wouldn't be prepared. To face her across the altar. To say the vows and mean them. Although that was the easiest part. I meant them over and over. And the pain in my chest eased slightly when she said them so earnestly back. But she loved going undercover, acting. To her these were empty promises, embellishments to her role, and that cut a little deeper.

The ring on my finger feels alien. I keep twirling it, struck by how inexplicably this band of gold should tie us, but the strangest thing is I feel like I've lost her. I weave through well wishers en route to the balcony and fresh air. I need to talk to Sweets, but she surprises me by meeting me there. And just like before, she slips her fingers into mine and reassures me.

I lean on the curved balustrade and stare at the manicured lawns of the stately home that is housing our reception. Music is playing softly in the background but all I can hear is my heartbeat and the blood pulsing through my veins. She turns to me, leans close and whispers "It's ok."

But for the first time in my life I want to push her away.

I glanced at Sweets over Bone's shoulder and pleaded with my eyes for him to come over. I had finally cracked. I actually wanted to talk to a psychiatrist. Too bad Gordon Gordon wasn't around. I watched him cross the balcony as Bone's fingers warmed mine. Her fragrance drifted on the warm breeze around me. She stared at me with that little crinkle between her eyes that meant she was puzzled. I lost myself in her eyes for a second. Mesmerizing periwinkle, the shade of the sky behind her. I could stare into her eyes for eternity. Sweets tapped her arm and she startled, her fingers gripping mine tighter. She looked at Sweets and understood. And I loved her all the more for it.

Sweets leaned close and whispered hurriedly, "We have had the luckiest break in the case, one of the mob's inner circle has agreed to turn informer in exchange for immunity and witness protection - this may be all over tonight."

Someone passed by too closely and I pasted a smile on my face in case they caught the tail end of the conversation.

Sweets continued "Just get through tonight."

I nod once.

"Oh and Daniel.." Sweets stressed my undercover name, "This is your wedding day, you need to look a little happier."

I laughed ironically and strolled off to find my wife.

.


	3. Chapter 3

_**I just want to say a huge and sincere THANK YOU to all who have read and reviewed. I am still getting to grips with this, so bear with me!**_

_**Also apologies for the short chapters, I do seem to have trouble with the length of my stories!!**_

Chapter 3

I walked around the ballroom. Crystal chandeliers hung majestically from the ceiling, scintillating rainbows of light when spotlights dazzled over the facets. Crimson velvet drapes framed the bay windows that overlooked the emerald grass of the gardens below. The soothing sounds of water flowing could be heard from the marble waterfall in the middle of the grounds. It was breath taking. A scene I could picture experiencing on my real wedding day.

And a bride I could only imagine in my dreams.

I stopped on the edge of the dance floor and watched her as she mingled with people. I spotted three undercover agents who all had their eyes on her, and who could blame them? Her eyes were sparkling like the diamond on her finger as she held her champagne glass. Her cheeks blossomed with a faint rosy glow. And her lips were berry colored, as if she had tasted cherries and the juice had stained her skin.

I wanted to kiss her. And see if they tasted as sweet as they looked.

I walked towards her as she stared at me. Some guy was about to ask her to dance but that wouldn't be happening. I grasped her hand and pulled her towards me, "Excuse me for interrupting, I'd like to dance with my wife."

The words were alien on my tongue, but oxymoronically, also so right. She didn't take her eyes off me. I gently took the champagne from her and set it on a nearby table, where candlelight flickered over its surface, making the bubbles look burnished in the light.

She wrapped her arm around my waist and stepped close. I held the side of her hip and took her right hand in mine. Tiny lights dotted the dance floor, swaying over the polished floor like fireflies in the night. The band played a soft song. I don't know what it was. I couldn't hear the music. She filled my senses, intoxicating me. I sighed as she slipped closer, sliding her hand lower on my back. In her heels she was an inch shorter than me. Wisps of her hair brushed my cheek and the diamond ear-rings that made her look so elegant brushed my shoulder as she turned her head. We danced like this for two, four, five songs. Holding each other as we shuffled across the floor in small steps to maintain the contact between our bodies. The silk of her dress swished fluidly as she moved, as if she were sheathed in liquid. I was pretty sure we were doing a convincing job of looking like a couple in love. At least I knew I was. After all I'd had five years of nurturing this eternal flame.

"Are you enjoying yourself?" Her words are a whisper, her breath hot against my ear. I smile wistfully. "Yeah, although it's a bit strange." I lean close, closer than I should, to really ensure that I cannot be heard.

"What about you?" I can't resist the question.

She pauses, weighing up her words carefully. "More than I ever thought I would."

Her words are like cocoa on a cold evening whilst it's snowing outside. They fill me with warmth. And hope.

"I'm sorry you have found this so hard. I know how important marriage is to you." I am touched at her concern, and her respect for my beliefs. I take in a deep breath.

"I had no idea how hard it would be until I saw you this morning by the window."

She stills in my arms. We stop moving. I am aware of my pulse racing as I wonder how she will interpret my words. She pulls back and looks into my eyes and I am drowning by the understanding and compassion that are reflected in hers.

"Well I guess it's not every day you have to pretend to be in love with your partner is it?" The pregnant words hang in the air between us. And the words run through my head.

No.

Every day I don't pretend.

I just am. In love with you


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

She has that little crinkle between her eyes again. I reach up my thumb and brush it over the worry line. Trying to soothe it away. She angles her head. I watch her look at my mouth and then back at my eyes. I can't take this any longer. I am not strong enough to resist any longer. I want this so much. I lean forward, cup her cheek gently, and I press my lips against hers. They are soft and yield to mine instantly. She sighs and suddenly I am gripping her tightly and my mouth is urgently exploring hers. Her tongue dances around mine and her hands slide down my back and I press her into me more firmly. I forget where I am as my hands slide over the curve of her hips. I forget who I am as she moans softly and melds her hips to mine. I forget the world as the wedding guests stare at us in the middle of the dance floor, silver spotlights swirling over us. It is only the rhythmic clinking of spoons on glasses that finally awakens me and I softly pull back to look in her eyes. They are glassy and heavy lidded and her berry lips are swollen. I was wrong when I thought this morning she would never be more beautiful to me.

She is now.

And as she slipped her fingers into mine and laid her head upon my shoulder I wondered how I was ever going to be just her partner, again.

"Can we get out of here?" she asks tentatively.

"Yeah let's go." I have had enough of all the stares, of conformity, of Sweets watching us like a hawk in the corridor. I pull her after me and head for the balcony doors. She stops and tugs my hands to turn me around.

"Not out there Booth." My name is a ghost of a whisper on her lips. For somebody who embraces every character she plays with gusto, she sure is reminding me this evening, that it is _me _she is talking too, and not my alter ego.

"Where do you want to go?"

"To the room."

Oh boy.

We dodge compliments and handshakes, decline offers of champagne being pressed in our hands and suddenly find ourselves in the foyer. The smell of lilies is strong, and the peaceful gushing of the waterfall can be heard more clearly. She takes the lead, stepping onto the first step of the curved, sweeping staircase and looks down on me, eyes glittering with fire. I cannot decipher that look. I feel like I am in a parallel universe. One where I actually am married, to a beautiful woman who I am hopelessly in love with. But reality and desperate fantasy keep tangling inside my head. She reaches for my hand and I give it to her, just as willingly as I would give her my heart, and follow her up the staircase.

There is a grandiose chandelier overhanging the stairwell at the top, and as we pass, rainbows of sunlight arc through the crystal. It bounces off her tiara and for a second I am mesmerized by her luminous skin, and the iridescence of the tiny crystals on the bodice of her dress.

I follow her down the corridor to the honeymoon suite and she fumbles inside her satin bag for the key. We don't speak. I have no coherent thought running through my head right now.

Only one, obtrusively inappropriate one.

I love you.


	5. Chapter 5

_**Again I just wanted to say a huge THANK YOU to everybody reading and taking the time to review. Its very encouraging. I wrote this story as a short one shot for the boneyard, so this is the last chapter I am afraid, but I hope you continue to enjoy. I have some more stories to post too, so let me know if I should!**_

Chapter 5

The bed is a four poster draped in white muslin that billows gently in the warm breeze from the open balcony door. Soft classical music flows from the small stereo at the side of the bed, and I know that I will find rose petals strewn in the bath. Brennan walks to the bathroom and closes the door. I walk out onto the balcony and try to remember I am a special agent undercover.

The view is breath taking. The red sun is setting over the city, staining the sky in mauve and lilac and indigo, the colors swirling together like brush strokes in a Monet painting. I lean my arms on the white railings and look down over the grounds. Shadows cast by the dying sun elongate the bay trees dotting the lawn in silver pots, the grass is emerald in the shade. She stands next to me and mirrors my pose, looking at the same wonderful scenery.

"The sunset is spectacular."

There is an innocent wonder on her face, and I am struck how somebody so guarded and defensive can be so childlike.

"It's perfect." I reply, not looking at her.

Her voice is hesitant as she starts speaking, and she continues to look at the sky, as if it gives her courage to be so honest.

"I used to want to get married you know. My parents were very loving, happy. And I wanted somebody to make me feel the way my father made my mother feel."

I listen to her words, knowing she just needs an audience right now.

"And then they left, and my perfect world was shattered, and I swore I would never let anybody hurt me again."

I glance at her and I notice she is looking at the ring on her finger. The fake ring the FBI provided for our cover. It is a simple platinum band and she twirls it around and around as she speaks. I don't know if she is aware she is doing it.

"I never thought I would get married Booth. You know that, I've told you on numerous occasions."

I smile sardonically. Yes she has told me that on numerous occasions. What was it? An antiquated ritual enforced by society's culture about some socially acceptable blah blah blah. All I know is that if she were my wife, I would cherish her for the rest of my life. Hell I'd obey her too. And of course I would love her. Till the day I died. But I do that already.

She turned to me and I see her eyes brimming with unshed tears.

"Today has made me feel very confused. And vulnerable."

Her voice breaks a little at her admission and I pull her into my arms and soothe my hands over the thick satin of her dress.

"And it's made me miss my mother."

"I know you don't believe it Bones, but I bet she's looking down on you now, so proud of how beautiful you look."

"But it's not real Booth. It's all a façade."

Yes. A cruel façade. One I never should have agreed to. Because I am now so acutely aware of what I don't have. And I don't know how to answer the melancholy in her voice.

"Someday Bones, maybe you'll find you want to be that someone special to somebody."

"When is someday Booth?" She talks to my shoulder.

"Well, I can't answer that for you."

"But you are the heart guy, you're all about the feelings, the faith."

I sigh. For all the good it does me with Miss 'I need scientific evidence to substantiate that.' I push her away gently, but keep hold of her arms.

"Tell me how you feel right now."

She looks down at the floor, and speaks very quietly.

"I feel... like I want to kiss you again."

Oh.

This time she comes to me. Her hands cup my face and she steps close and brushes her lips against mine. She starts to pull away but I grip her and kiss her like I have never kissed anyone before. And she is whimpering, and clutching me tightly and it is the most perfect moment of my life. She pulls back and leads me into the bedroom. She pushes down on my shoulders and I sit on the edge of the bed. My heart is pumping furiously in my chest as she pushes my legs open and sits herself between them, facing away from me. There is a dresser and mirror opposite the bed and as I encircle her waist with my hands I stare at our reflection. Trepidation. Excitement. Fear. And love. All etched on my face in equal amounts.

She looks exquisite. Calm and serene. I lean forward and kiss the juncture of her neck and shoulder and she closes her eyes.

"Undress me?"

There is a hint of uncertainty in her eyes. A question in her tone. I have to be sure. Because she holds my heart in her hands and I couldn't bare the pain of her breaking it.

"Do you want this?"

"Yes." Certainty. "Do you?" Uncertainty.

Her eyes are wide, and suddenly I see it. She is afraid too. I turn her head to face me and kiss her softly and I say the only thing that I have wanted to say since I saw her this morning.

"I love you."

She kisses me back, and I feel the wetness of her tears on my cheek. She leans forward, sweeps her hair off the back of her neck and angles her neck forward. I start to undo the tiny pearl covered buttons that fasten the length of her dress.

And she whispers it back.


End file.
